By Kyle Allen, Duncan Gregory, Robin Janotta, Zack Rosenfeld, and Eric Zeng
LaVista
Finals, the Super Bowl and Chris Gray are all behind us (also bars in some cases), and that means it’s time to lookback at our first semester with The Fifth Sense’s Fundamental First Semester Questions.
How do two guys steal a bunch of tubas? Those things are ridiculously heavy; just look at how cut all tuba players are. The news media thinks tubas are stolen to be used in banda music. Has anyone ever heard of banda music before? We’re skeptical that an iPod at this school could be found with more than one banda song on it.
Also, we managed to capture two figures breaking into the band hall on video, but the video itself is too blurry to be of any use? Can you say senior prank intel? Who is Goy Casillas? We’re not telling you guys to do a background check, but we’ve heard rumors that he spends his free time engaged in an intergalactic battle to defeat Emperor Zurg.
Does anybody not cheat in AP biology? Does that class ever not have some sort of scandal? Come on, you guys are AP students; you’re smart enough to cheat without getting caught.Can ASB take a joke? Come on, we absolutely love you guys
and don’t mean it when we poke fun at you. Did you see all of us at Winter Formal? No? Oh.
And let us not forget the first- ever ASB vs. La Vista Winter Games. Led by Alec “I’m a Very Good Driver” Lautanen, La Vista’s Scholar Quiz team scored an early victory and failed miserably in literally everything else. The games gave us a great chance to glamorously solidify the alreadyexistent stereotypes about us: whatever intellectual prowess we
have is quickly cancelled out by our lack of coordination.
Have Mexican drug cartels infiltrated the student body? Seriously, drug busts on campus have risen 300% in the last week. It’s not our problem, but do you seriously think stepping on campus with enough narcotics to tranquilize a horse is a good idea? Does the Mustang Morning News ever do anything substantial? An Arts and Life Section? Wonder where you found that. We’d rather listen to their mystery correspondent talk about his diverse bong collection.
It’s been a great semester, without a doubt, and we can’t wait for what second semester has to bring to us. Just kidding, we’re all second semester seniors
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