By Nick Lee
Copy Editor
Greetings my fellow brethren, thank you for joining us for our eighth installment. It has been quite a pleasant journey. We shall be addressing a number of topics including Coachella, prom and college commitment day.
Before we get into the nitty gritty, we are required to write one paragraph about our prestigious sports. Inconveniently, the infamous annual Costa vs. Loyola volleyball game happened to be scheduled on the Friday of Coachella. Our lead investigators at the Gallery believe that our varsity players intended to get in trouble and forfeit the game, allowing them to see their beloved Cardi B at Coachella. The logic lines up.
This brings us to our next topic: Coachella. It is an exquisite music festival in Indio at which parents regretfully decide to let their child off the leash for the first time. Kids are entrusted with their daddy’s house, grandma’s condo or a $3000 two-bedroom Air BnB that sleeps 30. It is with conviction that we proclaim without any doubt those angels only hung out by the pool and sipped ice-cold lemonade. For the few underclassman who read this, do not let the plethora of “fun” and “chill” Coachella photos deceive you. Coachella is actually a hellish dirt cloud where you must balance the urge to drink as much water as possible in 100-degree weather with your attempt to contain the vast amount of urine in your pea sized bladder. And yes, it is normal for your pee to be highlighter yellow for that weekend.
We need to put an end to instagram captions that say “a stage or artist” followed by “did me dirty.” The only dirt you will find is when you look down in the shower after a long day in Indio and see the many clods of dirt clogging the drain.
The next big event following Coachella is prom. For the average Joe, it is an event at which we are content just attending the festivities. However, for others, the talons come out and shade is thrown in order to obtain the most ideal and photogenic date. We cannot wait to see who went with whom on Instagram and at what cost.
Lastly, college commitment day is just around the corner. This is a special day for seniors to celebrate their four years of hard work by wearing school shirts with pride. Our problem here at the Gallery isn’t deciding on which shirt to wear, rather, what to do with all the shirts of colleges from which we were denied. Is anyone in need of some lightly used Stanford or UCLA shirts? Make sure to hit us up on the NextDoor App.
Well folks, that is all for this issue. We hope everyone is getting over their post-Coachella diseases by now and their comedowns have not hit them too hard. You need to prepare for Cinco de Mayo, another event where the cycle repeats. Best of luck on not failing your AP Tests.
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